This Summer’s Hottest New Trend: Burning Churches

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Forget Halter Tops and Mini Skirts this summer is all about sticking it to the man.  The man upstairs, that is.

KAMLOOPS, BC – The mass graves of indigenous children found across Canada have sparked a new fashion trend that is hard to ignore: committing arson in the name of reconciliation. Forty-six churches have burnt to the ground across Canada so far in the last three weeks with the sizzling new movement taking Canada by a literal firestorm. As a socially conscious progressive fashionista all I can say is: I want more.

With all the injustices against the Canadian indigenous people coming to light in recent weeks, the Canadian news media and our trendy politicians have made it clear that “caring about the Indigenous” is the new IN thing for the summer. What does this mean to you? Well, saying you care about the plight of First Nations’ people and calling for violence against Christians and the Catholic church are the trendiest things you can post about on social media this week. Don’t miss out on this sizzling new movement like you may have with last weeks #FreePalestine craze! 

You may recall last summer when tweeting the hashtag #BLM and posting a black square was by far the bravest act one could make to meaningfully support black communities.  Donating to BLM, constantly sharing educational posts on your Instagram story, and never shutting up about this new podcast with a BIPOC host you just started listening to was the most sophisticated way to show your allyship to black people all around the world – and let me speak for them all when I say: THANK YOU!

The iconic ‘black square’ instagram trend that changed the world for BIPOC #BLM

What you may have missed however were the real trendsetters last summer: fiery but mostly peaceful protests across colonial America in support of BLM! Stores and shops looted, neighbourhoods engulfed in flames, millions of dollars in damages, a few murders – it’s hard to put the new-age chicness of last years fashion trend into words. 

Nothing says “social progress” like a black business owner in tears watching their livelihood burn to the ground.

Fast forward to July 2021 in Canada and we have our own historical injustice thrust into the spotlight. And with it, an opportunity to prove to our neighbours down south that we too will stand up to oppression alongside all of the country’s establishment. The posers and fake allies will think that they are doing enough by simply wearing a lame orange shirt or tweeting out “Every Child Matters” but that’s not enough. It’s never enough.

Sure, tearing down statues of historical figures might make a few heads turn but the real trailblazers of this fashion trend are lending their support to the indigenous communities in much more thoughtful and meaningful ways.  If you really want to contribute to positive social change in Canada, it’s time to get serious. It’s time to burn your local church to the ground.

 
“But isn’t arson a crime?” you might ask. Look. If you, or anyone you know, is asking this question you clearly don’t have the ambition to stand out this summer.  The climate of progress and healing is upon us. So either go to Home Depot right now to buy some bottles of kerosene or butt out.

 

Be the envy of your small Canadian town by walking around with that distinct twinkle in your eye that says, “Yes, I committed arson last night!” Haters will seethe in jealousy as they try to explain that “some indigenous people attended that church.” Let them hate. You have people to inspire, a country to heal, and, most importantly, followers to gain.

Leave the pontifications about “historical context” and “nuance” to these stinky uneducated conservative Neanderthal hicks. This summer is about you, your allyship, and your efforts to stop the history that’s already happened from happening. It’s not enough to just look good on social media anymore. Burning down a church will not just help you get noticed, but you will look damn good doing it. Be the fire. Be the justice. Burn baby burn.

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It's about time. https://t.co/E8PgRHz6Dm

Great reporting. We were just about to write an article on this very concerning trend. https://t.co/FAjbRsbUou