TOKYO – After 18 months of the pandemic, lockdowns, and anxiety-inducing news coverage, the world is finally ready to heal (by being injected with synthetic mRNA). Along with these soon-to-be mandatory double dose brand name vaccines, sports fans everywhere are overjoyed to see the opening Ceremonies of the 2020 Tokyo Olympic Games. Nothing says “back to normal” like watching a pretentious, drawn-out showcase of steroid-ridden athletes on TV that lasts 5 hours.
Leading up to the Olympic Games, the generous state of China was eager to spread joy and health around the world with a gift of their own. In anticipation of the opening ceremony of the Tokyo Olympic Games, China decided to share Covid-19 plush toys with the entire world.
Good sportsmanship is contagious and what better time to promote it than now, while the world’s greatest athletes are coming together to celebrate the very best in doped-up human achievement?
They’re cute, they’re cuddly, and their inconspicuous fabric makes your throat tickle a bit. These adorable COVID-19 plush toys have already become the world’s hottest trend. And why wouldn’t they? They’re easy to hold on to, carry in your pocket and share around with your friends at parties. You can’t go anywhere in the Olympic village without hearing people rave about the COVID-19 plush toys. They’re everywhere! In fact, the athletes are so into them, they are still wearing their masks everywhere to show gratitude for China’s grand gesture.
Toy enthusiasts are not quite sure where these plush toys were made, how they were made, or what’s in them – but who cares? Chinese ingenuity and design has won our hearts and minds over on the world stage once again.
Sources from the Chinese Communist Party tell us that the millions of plush toys that were generously gifted to the world are not actually manufactured but occur organically in nature and are most commonly found near bat colonies. Makes sense. Even more exciting are the COVID-19 plush toy variations that are coming out. They’re naturally occurring as well, but we are hearing reports that they are up to four times as soft and cuddly.
Some toy collectors are saying these covid-19 plush toys aren’t authentic and do not belong in their beanie bag collection.
This tiny minority of plush deniers, however, should not be taken seriously as this is the same group of people that don’t believe in climate change, radical transgenderism or critical race theory being taught in schools. Coincidentally, each COVID-19 plush toy includes a written note reminding people of just how important these ideologies are for young developing minds.
Being a publicly funded news outlet here at the Woke & Mail, we can tell you first hand that anyone who questions the Chinese Communist Regime is a threat to our global society. If there’s anything we’ve learned from applying for so many grants from the Canadian Government, it’s that identity is more important than competency and China is #1.