Joe Biden is set to become Canada’s next Prime Minister, The Woke & Mail has learned. The news came shortly after the announcement by Elections Canada that mail-in voting would be used in the next federal election. Tallying the results will be Dominion Voting Systems – a highly trusted organization associated with absolutely zero controversy.
The decision from Elections Canada, a non-partisan government organization, comes at a crucial time as the number of right-wing terrorism incidents of question-asking continues to rise. Elections Canada says this decision is made in an effort to secure Canadian democracy.
A subsequent test of the vote counting machines was conducted to ensure the ballots would be counted in Liberals’ favour in a fair, democratic, and unbiased way. Even Elections Canada officials, however, were surprised by the results, when the Dominion machines declared Joe Biden to have got the most votes at the end of the trial run.
While admitting that this turn of events is unexpected, an Elections Canada spokesperson stated via email correspondence with The Woke & Mail that the organization found the results to be, “better than expected.”
“We had to find a way to protect democracy during the next federal election that would be more robust than sending duplicate voter cards to Liberal supporters and allowing illegal immigrants to vote. Dominion’s drag and drop system is very easy to use.”
After witnessing the effectiveness of Dominion Voting Systems during the US 2020 presidential election, Elections Canada knew they had found the solution. While there were initial concerns that Justin Trudeau would not be pleased by the prospect of a Democrat President of the United States becoming the highest elected official of Canada, the current Prime Minister reacted to the news in a very mature and democratic way.
“Both of us are loyal servants to the Chinese Communist Party, so regardless of whether Canadian Liberals or American Democrats get to govern Canada, it’s a victory for democracy either way,”
– Justin Trudeau, at a press conference Monday
Our Experts of Democracy (ED) at The Woke & Mail completely agree. Biden becoming the Prime Minister of Canada is the best thing that can happen to democracy in our country. I mean, what could be more democratic than Canada being led by the leader of the Democratic Party? ‘Democratic’ is literally in the name!
Even if you are one of the conspiracy theorists that judge people and organizations by the results of their work rather than by their rhetoric, Biden’s contributions to democratic values should definitely impress you. Joe once put a racist Trump supporter back in his place with the phrase worthy of a true, educated Democrat: “If you don’t vote for me, Jack, you ain’t Black!” This triumph echoes the anti-racist lessons Justin Trudeau taught Canada in 2019 when he revealed to the country that he had worn blackface at least 3 times in his life. In addition to the both being champions of racial justice and equality, Biden, just like Trudeau, has a rich hands-on feminist experience. This definitely makes Biden a worthy leader for a progressive post-national state such as Canada.
Surprisingly, Biden’s staggering popularity in Canada turned out to be a much less exciting prospect for the acting American president himself. “Canada? What is that? Is that a province in China or something?” responded Biden when told about his projected win in the Great White North. Although technically incorrect, Biden’s comments may prove to be prophetic, given the current trajectory of Canada.
With all the measures taken to protect democracy in Canada, Elections Canada has not forgotten about health and safety issues, either. The constituents will be required to wear a mask while filling out the ballot, and only the fully vaccinated individuals will receive ballots – obviously. Elections Canada says this will help stop the spread of Covid. But more importantly, it will help prevent free-thinking individuals from interfering with the democratic process of voting.
Personally we at the Woke & Mail are excited for the future election. A Biden win is a good thing. Totally democratic and above board.