TORONTO – If choking was considered an artform the former Toronto Maple Leafs certainly are this generation’s Picasso. They lost again last night to the Boston Bruins after a 5-1 loss in game 7. Mistakes were made is an all too familiar phrase as a Leaf Fan. Of course, this year’s failure was a small hiccup compared to their legendary choke in 2013 where they managed to blow a 4-1 lead on only 11 minutes of play also to the Bruins. Yikes. We would list more note worthy chokes in this article but it would be easier just to look up Toronto Maple Leaf team history since 1968.
Introducing the Toronto Artichokes. The team owner has finally decided to brand themselves appropriately and sporting a raw Artichoke on their jersey. The new mascot will be a large green artichoke named “Chokey”. There has been a lot of buzz about the new jersey and how it “looks weed man.” Management is unofficially aware of this and their new brand manager is hoping it will attract more “pot smoking” fans to the games. The team’s Data Analyst however assured us that this is already the case adding, “Are you kidding me? Sober people don’t pay $18 for a beer.”
Many critics are complaining to change it to the Toronto “Buds” or the Toronto “Pot Leafs” to keep it true to Canadian culture and the teams’ origins but the vibrant gourmet food community in Toronto has spoken out in: “People need to know what an uncooked artichoke looks like!” Personally, we at Canadian Crier, are not convinced as we are pretty sure we recognize a bud of Jack Herer when we see one.
Sources say Toronto’s Management were playing around with different names before landing on ‘Artichokes’. “Choke Artists” was in the running but was deemed “too direct” and there was a lot of arguing over which player would be the mascot. The “Toronto Coke Heads” was another name strongly supported by players and fans alike but was later rejected by the NHL commission. Toronto’s Management was surprised by this decision as they thought the NHL ‘was cool’ and later complained that they felt like they were being judged.
